Broken

God,

I'm lying here waiting on you.

I'm hurt.

I feel pain all the time.

Dull pain.
Sharp pain.
Burning pain.
Deep pain.

I'm hoping to be noticed...
Will you notice me here in need of you?

Do you really love me where I am? I know that I am the one that has walked away from you, but is that forgivable? Will you really come here to me?

I don't know how to accept even the thought of that?

But I dont know where to go from here without you...

You are so present in my life, God. You are all around me, but sometimes I feel like I am looking at you through the wrong end of the binoculars...

You are close, but so far away.

I am not home, where I am. I am not home in my house. I am not home with my family. I enjoy my friendships, but that is not home either...

Can we spend some time alone?

I just want to be known by someone. I need someone to know me, ALL of me without needing to explain it all.


I hate talking about me.

Can I see your eyes? My family has been hurt by me and turn their eyes from mine. I just want to see their eyes.
Will YOU look at me? Look at my face?

You know, I am torn, stretched between two sides...
Half of me is grateful for the life that I have been given...
I have been so blessed. Given so much!

And yet still I hurt and cling to bitterness.
God help me to loose the bitterness. I hate bitterness.


I lost my parents.

I lost my father because he walked away. He left us... He left me... Didn't he know that i needed him?

Where was he?

What was so important that he had to leave?


I lost my mom because she had to be my dad! Didn't she know that I needed a Mom especially when my dad was missing?

She always feels like she needs to teach me a lesson... Sometimes I just need help... Sometimes I just need a hug... sometimes I just need a mom.

What was so important that she had to leave?

I hate these feelings.

I hate this pain.

I hate this anger.

I hate not knowing what to do.

I hate not knowing what is going to happen...


I just want to be with you.

Not have to worry about all of this.

I know that you can make it better.

I dont want to put on this mask and armor any more.

It's too heavy...